If you hold hands, both people die…..

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Selections from the archive of middle school gems:

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Wishing my kids well over Spring Break…..

Me: OK you guys, have fun, be safe, hold hands, and look both ways when you cross the street.

Kid: But if you hold hands both people die because it’s hard to run.

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Talking to my 8th graders about honesty in self-portraits as an artist.

Me: Well, if I’m going to be honest about it, I’ve gained about 25 pounds over the last 12 years.

Kid:  Mr. Gralen, if I’m going to be honest about it, I’ve gained over 100 pounds in the last 12 years…..

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Why I love middle schoolers:
Me: How much sugar did you have at lunch?
Kid: Not much. I have a natural energy because of my youth.

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Me: You guys need to do a better job of cleaning up after yourselves. The maid quit last week.
Kid in back of room: Wait, we had a maid?
Me: 0_o

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Kid: Mr G, you act like a kid a lot. But in a good way.
Me: Well, my wife says I dress like a twelve year-old.
Kid: Well, you sort of do. That hoodie, for instance. I’d get rid of that if I were you.

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Kid is working with incredible precision on a clay project.
Me: It’s your perfectionist side coming out.
Other kid: Is she being fussy again?
Me: Well, it’s good training for when she becomes a dentist or a surgeon. You want her to be fussy when she’s working on your tooth.
Other kid: Or your brain.
Third kid: Or your right buttock.

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New 8th grade girl strategy:
Kid: My mom is so paranoid – if I’m going to meet a boy, I just say to her, “It’s OK, Mom, he’s gay.” O_o

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“The discipline of most of the students I am paid to teach is deplorable. They claim to forget their assignments, when in truth, they simply refused to do them. They do not want to learn, and I cannot instill that desire in them. Our nation is doomed.” Aristotle

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Our 8th graders meet with a group of high schoolers every year to find out what high school has in store for them. The #1 question on the list? “Are there strict teachers, and how should I handle them?” O_o

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The 14-year old girl sitting behind me on the stage at graduation last night is being humorously teased by the 13-year old boys on either side of her.
Girl: Mr. Gralen, they’re being so stupid, make them stop.
Me: You realize this is a situation that’s never going to change, right?
Girl: *Sigh* Mr. Gralen, you’re killin’ me here.

 

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